The Standard August 9, 2025
In the past three years, several friends and I have lost either a mother or a father, or both. There is nothing so grievous a blow as the death of a beloved parent, child, or spouse. It does not necessarily matter if the deceased lived in close proximity, or was in frequent contact with us. The familial bond is unique and undeniable.
While we human beings have multitudes of things that differentiate us, one most basic commonality is that we all, at least at the very beginning, had a biological mother and a biological father. This is God’s design.
Mothers and fathers both bring crucial aspects to the lives of their children. In my mind, this is unrelated to gender norms. My mother, for example, did not match the stereotypes of a woman in the 1960s. She let her hair dry naturally, wore no make-up except lipstick, disliked shopping and cooking, loved to wash the exterior windows or to refinish hardwood floors, was comfortable in work clothes, was emotionally tough, and cried in front of me only twice. Still, Mom modeled other things than Dad did. Their influences were not interchangeable, and this was not only due to personality differences.
For children raised in a healthy home with both mother and father, there usually is a deep sense of security, even if the budget is tight or life’s circumstances are hard. This is not to suggest that children raised in single-parent homes can’t feel secure. The reality is that some parents die early, certain mothers or fathers abandon children, and others are abusive and must be removed. We believe that God provides in all of these tragic cases. The church must be aware of what we should be doing to support orphans, abandoned children, widows, and single parents.
“Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him—his name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Psalm 68: 4-6
Over the course of many years and through various studies, we have learned that motherlessness and fatherlessness each can bring very different challenges. Fatherlessness and its unfortunate effects have been studied the most, as more children in the U.S. are raised without a father than without a mother. Again, a child raised without a mother or without a father certainly can lead a healthy, fulfilled life. There are some prevalent difficulties, however, that these children are more likely to face.
We adoptive parents who have raised kids in a loving home with both mom and dad still notice the sense of loss or rejection they experience. There is something so basic about human nature that virtually all of us want some connection with, or information about, our two biological parents.
The Apostle Paul reiterates the fifth of the Ten Commandments and instructs, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise—‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:1-4
Jesus was raised by his biological mother and adoptive father. Both were upright and righteous, and obviously loved their Son. In our congregations we should encourage foster care and adoption, as well as give support to parents in various circumstances.
celiastone 