The Standard November 25, 2023
This summer I enjoyed reconnecting with a friend whose passion is global missions. She expressed the tension she often feels between being a person who wants everyone to feel welcome and included, while also being someone who cares deeply about truth. Many of us grapple with trying to achieve the tricky balance between building strong, caring relationships while articulating hard truths when appropriate. Bible commentator and pastor Warren Wiersbe once said, “Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.”
Usually, we do not want to hear instruction or correction from someone who does not seem to have our best interest at heart or who mainly interacts with us in barks and commands. The reverse also can be true. We might not respect the words of a person who repeatedly flatters us or gives in to our every whim without daring to speak difficult but beneficial truths.
“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18) “Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and love.” (2 John 1:3)
Bible teacher Jen Wilkin in her study on 1, 2 and 3 John draws a picture of the extremes of trying to offer love versus truth with caricatures she calls Yes Mom and No Mom. Wilkin describes a mother who so desperately wants her children to like her that she allows them to wake her up very early, asking to fingerpaint with food on the walls. She gets up immediately, suggesting they try some grape jelly. Unlike the Yes Mom, the No Mom has established firm rules. Her children would not dream of waking her up before the allowed time. Before her kids can finish making a request, the No Mom has already said no. The Yes Mom fears loss of relationship while the No Mom fears loss of control. One wants to be her children’s best friend while the other presents herself as a drill sergeant.
It is helpful for us to recognize our own tendencies. Am I more likely to be permissive in my spiritual life and in relationships or am I apt to be legalistic? Am I often hesitant to speak the truth for fear of offending or hurting the feelings of a loved one or do I tend to speak the truth at the expense of maintaining a relationship?
Of course, we need a good balance between love and truth. In perfect balance, God loves us no matter what and is honest with us no matter what.
Young people, especially, appreciate meaningful motivation and authenticity. In October 2017 in Christianity Today, a professor and director of cultural engagement at Dallas Theological Seminary, Darrell L. Bock commented about how ministries like Bible Study Fellowship were adapting to reach a new generation. “For boomers, it’s getting the content of your faith right; for millennials getting the ethics of your faith right is more important. Ministries that are going to address both the content level and the ethical outreach level in a relevant way are going to be powerful ministries.” Our content should reflect truth while our ethics should reflect love.
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)
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